My Anxiety Went Away

There were days I felt so anxious I was afraid to open my lap top and look at my work emails. I knew I would be piling more stress on top. I felt afraid. I felt afraid of myself. I just didn’t want to feel anxious anymore. This all changed when I found a book called A Little Peace of Mind and learned that my experience of life (anxiety) was coming from the inside out. I blamed all of my outside circumstances…my job, my house, my housework, social media..all of that needed to change so I could feel okay. Until I learned, nothing has to change. I could love and hate my job (which I did some days). There were times I hated my job and didn’t feel anxious so how could it be my job’s fault? I could have the perfect body (I did) and still blame it for how I felt. This was the ever-changing nature of thought and just what happens every day to us. We cycle in and out of our thinking all day long. What is true though? I am well. I am whole. Full stop. I am perfect until tons of my THINKING gets piled on top. First thing in the morning when I open my eyes I am well. I feel that so deeply. I knew my turning and churning thoughts were revving me up every single day. My thinking on a loop about my life that it felt overwhelming in my body because I was so lost in thought I felt like I was floating away. “I need a new job” “I hate this house” “I have to get kitchen or I cant be happy” "I'm so overwhelmed" "Oh no my kids need Christmas clothes" "Should I go get them or order them?" "I'm the worst" "OH CRAP I have a meeting" "But I have to go to the bathroom"..on and on and on. How is it that every morning before thought I’m well? How is that true when nothing has changed that's supposedly causing my anxiety? Because nothing has to change. I am well. I am whole. I just think I'm not.