My story

In 2019 I started coaching on a food problem. I felt completely controlled by food and extreme preoccupation with my body. After 3 months of 1 on 1 coaching the layers pealed back. Through improved self-awareness (a coaching strategy) I noticed my food thoughts (that felt so uncomfortable) telling me to eat...maybe I should eat, am I hungry? It would be good to eat..what if I eat something…. I caught them and noticed the same feeling prior to the influx of thoughts. Anxiety. Which only got worse when I piled additional judgmental thoughts on top of my already food thoughts. Something like…maybe I should eat (EAT, YOU JUST HAD BREAKFAST), am I hungry? (YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY!). I’d be in such a thought storm with myself id feel even more anxious that eating felt like the only thing to do. But, what occurred before the food thoughts…anxiety. An uncomfortable (albeit safe) feeling which I thought I needed to figure out its origin. In turn, I concluded was from work or my kids or my body all so I could get rid of it. The truth is, nothing is wrong. I didn’t have a food problem. I was human thinking a TON of scary thoughts. I was feeling human. My racing heart, spacey feeling, rushed needing it now feeling scared me because I didn’t like it and I knew maybe I’d eat. It was just a habit of thought to escape myself (my anxious feeling) as my coach helped me see. I noticed this influx of energy (anxiety) then the follow up familiar suggestive thoughts regarding food. I noticed them at all high emotional times, during work, leading meetings, before social events, at social events, when I heard good news, when I heard bad news. I felt set free. I didn’t have a food problem. When I felt anxious and heard the thoughts (I wrote them all down and kept them in my kitchen) I would just watch them. Sometimes id eat, sometimes I wouldn’t. I let myself do whatever in the beginning without judgement. Over time I gained lots of body awareness and realized it felt horrible to eat. Today, I still hear the familiar suggestion of maybe I should eat but it’s just that. A suggestion, a habit and one that fades by the day. Now, the second leg of the journey. The feeling state of anxiety. My entire life changed when I read the book and completed a coaching program called “A Little Peace of Mind”. I was coached 1 on 1 and tested and retested how when I’m feeling anxious (a normal part of life) the body response is so overwhelming to me that I tried to escape it. But over time I saw it will pass on its own (when I didn't add additional judgement on top or believe what I made it mean) and try to get in there to figure it out only makes it worse. Sometimes I feel anxious when my kids cry or whine, sometimes I don’t (so interesting). Sometimes I feel anxious during traffic, sometimes I don't. So, nothing really needs to change then. There really is no exact pattern to human emotion which is always flowing. Outside circumstances look like they drive our happiness state but it’s really the inside out. That’s why every time I quit a job that was causing my anxiety I’d be right back in the same “I need to quit my job” or “I need to change my body” solution. The truth is we are always in flux. Drifting in and out of happy, sad, anxious, mad, frustrated emotional states is what being human is all about. The key is allowing it all. The good and the bad. I thought I had a food problem. I thought I had an anxiety problem. I really have no problem at all. What are your familiar thoughts when anxiety pops up? I'd love to hear from you!